Facing the Demons

This blog is a work of love. My hopes for the site are big, of course, but there’s a lot of competition out there. It is daunting but it hasn’t stopped me.

I started The Style Confessions™ in the spring of 2011 and experimented with different posts and styles of writing for several months. By October a clear direction had formed. I got serious, wrote my mission statement, updated my “About” page and wrote a simple business plan. In January I updated the look of the blog with a new theme and title.

I was excited about the changes and hoped that it would make a difference in readership and perhaps encourage more people to follow me.   At the time my goal was to reach 600 page views a day but I was stuck at about 300 a day. Then suddenly it all changed.  The numbers started to go up, and up and up!  One weekend I reached my goal of 600 page views. I was delighted and excited.

Then I saw the referer that was bringing in all these new people.

It seems that dozens, if not hundreds, of new viewers were not here because they liked my style.  They were here to giggle at my big behind and droopy bosom. They came by to snicker at my attempts at modeling and posing. I had been discovered by someone at one of those blog-bashing forums. My happy little bubble burst.

This has happened to most of the personal style bloggers I know and it would be naïve for me to think I would be immune.  It hurt. Of course it hurt.  But I am thankful that the women who posted their derisive comments did so on their own forum rather than leave it here.  I spied around over there at my own risk.

The notoriety is something to be thankful for as well. Everything I have done to promote this blog pales in comparison to the huge response from one post on a forum floating somewhere out there in the web.  It’s also good to know that I’ve created something interesting, unusual, and ballsy enough to be noticed, even in a negative way. They say there’s no such thing as bad publicity and I tend to agree.  About ten people left comments on their forum, but hundreds of people checked out The Style Confessions™ because of them.

As scathing as the forum’s commentary was about my less-than-perfect form, tight dress and overall lack of taste in clothing, they are nothing in comparison to the demons inside me.  The ones that tell me I am too old to be writing a personal style blog and that my body and face are too imperfect to be modeling anything, anywhere, ever. These voices tell me I really have no style and that even trying to inspire other women to feel beautiful and glamorous is pretentious at best, patronizing at worst.  They whisper that my clothing choices are tacky and inappropriate for a woman my age.  I’m a respectable matron, shouldn’t I dress like one?  Shouldn’t I be wearing simple khaki trousers, button down shirts and flats?  Perhaps occasionally I could don a sophisticated knee-length sheath dress, low-heeled pumps and a cardigan?  Outfits like this are fine, they’re pretty, but they aren’t “me.”  I’m not ready to hang up the sexy part of myself just because my inner demons say it’s ludicrous for a woman of my age to dress in a tight, body-hugging dress. I like high, platform heels.  I like fun, trendy, fashion accessories.  I like flirty, pretty dresses and red lipstick.

I’M ALIVE AND I WANT TO DRESS LIKE IT.

Bangles, rings, white nail polish, red lipstick? Aren’t’ I too old for this?

These platforms are new.  Isn’t it just crazy that a fat old lady like me is wearing them?

I’m looking into the camera and smiling like taking photos is fun. It’s disgraceful!

That dress is shockingly short.  Who the heck do I think I am wearing clothes like this in broad daylight?  A celebrity?

OMG. That pose is so dorky.  Her behind is HUGE. Turn around woman no one wants to see that. Someone tell her to put on a Spanx for God’s sake. This is BEYOND tacky.

Giggle. Snort. The demons are all around me. They’re inside me, too, laughing.  They took some ground today, but they will not win the war.

My comments are, of course, tongue in cheek but there is a part of me that wonders if I shouldn’t dress more conservatively.  I am 42 and it doesn’t seem “proper” to be having so much fun with my wardrobe.  My problem is I love fashion and I can’t seem to stop wearing the things I love.

I know there are people out there who don’t like how I dress, but then you can’t please everyone.  It’s impossible. So I focus on pleasing myself instead.  For all of you who like what I’m doing, who visit my blog and enjoy my photos, thank you!  For those who don’t, well it’s a free world and no one is forcing you to look at images you find offensive.

Credits: These photos were taken by my husband, Hugo, at LACMA next to Ai Weiwei’s amazing zodiac statues. (The heads have a very interesting story attached to them. You can read more about the exhibit and the artist here.) The dress is by Veronica M, the shoes are by Charles Jordan, the purse is from The Goodwill, the big cocktail ring is antique, and I purchased the bangles at a pop up shop here in L.A.

If you’re a fashion blogger have you been “discovered” by a blog-bashing forum?  What did you think of the experience?  How did you respond?